Why is it that some people (this is for both guys and gals) feel the need to put semi-nude, very revealing, and/or crass pictures of themselves on their profile? I was on Twitter of all places today and happened upon a tweet from one of my favorite NFL wide receivers and a comment had been made by a fellow tweeter. The profile photo for this person was a picture of their bottom side that revealed a little too much. The picture left little or nothing to the imagination. As a guy this instantly sets off a chain reaction that entices me to look further. So I ventured to this person's page only to find much worse and even more revealing pictures on their photo page. I was not prompted to verify I was 18 which shocked me. I assumed their would be some sort of filter in place for this type of content and their was NONE. What I saw, really broke my heart.
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times in my life where I would have continued to look and even bookmarked that person profile to go back for more later. Since that time in my life, things have radically changed in me. Now, this type of stuff just breaks my heart. This person is crying out for love the only way they know how. Let's be honest, this person has probably set in their mind that they are happy and this makes them feel good inside. Once the dull ache of rampant sexuality sets in and you can't 'feel' any more, it becomes exciting and enticing which makes you energized and happy for a time. It always ends the same way though; guilt, shame, heart ache, some times violence, and ultimately broken relationships or no relationship at all. It's just so sad to see people cry out this way to try and get love. I just want to show them that they are loved by their creator and that they have a purpose. When people lose site of who they are and take on something else as their identity it usually ends up like this.
When we take on things that are less important and make them the center of who we are we tend to lose the thing that makes us human. You become known as the "your sin here" guy or gal. For me I was the "lying porn" guy. I would argue with my friends to no end, even though I new I was lying to them. Then I would go to my secret place and get on the computer. It was the focus of my life. My choices put me into some bad places. I didn't finish college and I engaged in random hook ups with girls. I was playing Russian Roulette with my sexuality.
Then I got married and I thought all of this would go away, well it didn't. I still struggled with porn constantly and my marriage suffered thanks to this. I finally got honest with my wife and began an accountability group with one of my friends from church. I still struggled, I still fell back into my addiction. I would go months at a time without issue, then BAM! it hit me and I was back to my old ways again. I never trusted anyone; not God, not my wife, and not my family or friends.
This past summer God did something to me. He changed me. This was not some short term 'Jesus High' or a self help Christian book, it was a breaking down of everything that I had told myself I was. I was guarded, self reliant, controlling, arrogant, and confused. I had convinced myself that I had control over everything in my life. When I found out other wise, I basically lost my sanity. For about 2 days I couldn't sleep, eat, or focus on anything. I was a mess. I lost the 'control' over my life that I had taken so much time to gain. When I lost it, I lost my mind. I questioned everything I knew, nothing was safe. I had a high level of paranoia and trusted no one. I tried everything to gain back my stable ground and sanity. The only thing that brought me peace was talking with God, listening to God, and reading the Bible. I honestly had thrown everything out the window and thought about just sleeping constantly (and I do mean sleep, nothing more), cause that's when I didn't have to think about any of this.
Then the change came. It wasn't instant and it wasn't easy, but the battle was worth it. God broke through in my life. I had been pushing God down inside of me, covering Him with pride, sin, and lies. I had been wearing the fake mask of a Christian for years. I knew God was in my life, but I chose not to live what Christ taught. I broke down to my creator and confessed sin I had never told anyone about. Then I came home and broke down in front of my wife and confessed my sin to her. After that a peace came upon me and I haven't been the same since. I can't explain it exactly, but now my life is filled with joy. It's overwhelming joy. I have times now when I just smile, laugh, and cry because God has blessed me with joy. I don't completely understand it, but I KNOW it's real. I have looked to so many other things in my life to be real, to be what I want, and now I realize the ONLY thing that is real is Christ. His sacrifice is all I need. When I have been at my lowest points in life, God ALWAYS shows up. My life is like a story book for the existence God and the love he shows to his creation. Would love to talk about this more but I have yet another conference call to get on. Please, by all means, let's talk if you have questions. I love good conversation.
PS - My life is no where near perfect, but God is good. Just wanted to make sure I made that very clear.
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